The Authentic Self?
The Fiction We All Accept
Working in the corporate world, I’m seeing more and more of this idea of the “authentic self.” Companies have latched onto the phrase “be your authentic self” as a way to promote open dialogue and mental wellness. Obviously, their intent is increased productivity and, ultimately, greater profits. Still, as this idea seeps into the cracks of training programs, management philosophies, and interpersonal work relationships, things get a little complicated.
Accepting Everyone Except the Unacceptable
These acceptance policies sweeping through human resource departments create a strange juxtaposition next to company policies about unacceptable behavior. It’s difficult working for leadership that wants you to be yourself, but also wants you to conform to its mission, vision, and view of the world.
They’ll tell you in flowery communications that they want a workplace built on respect and dignity. At the same time, however, they’ll tell you your view of the world is disrespectful if it doesn’t align with theirs. When they cut corners to get their friends jobs, it’s no big deal. We should all respect their decision and trust it was made without ill intent.
However, call them out on this blatant act of hypocrisy, question the logic of their decision, or point out a glaring mistake they’ve made, and suddenly that’s unacceptable. Now you have an attitude problem. You’re not a team player.
See, for all the talk about acceptance, what always remains unacceptable is questioning the people who decide what is and isn’t acceptable.
This is, after all, the dilemma. To state emphatically, “Respect everyone,” means you must also respect... the disrespectful. It’s a conundrum that corporate speak has never been particularly interested in addressing.
The Authentic Self
I only recently came into contact with the phrase “the authentic self,” and it made me chuckle. I don’t think anyone, if we’re truly honest, wants everybody to be their authentic self. There are dark parts of all of us that, if exposed and regularly expressed, would create some of the most traumatizing interactions imaginable.
There are times when my authentic self might say, “Go f*** yourself.” Which would be unacceptable in a world that claims to be accepting. The corporate world, of all places, doesn’t want that part of anyone working for them.
No, in truth, nobody really wants access to people’s unfiltered, authentic selves. What they want is to take credit for creating the illusion of an environment where everyone is accepted, respected, and free to be themselves.
What they often create instead is an environment where certain groups they wish to promote get to express themselves openly, while those who object or disagree fall completely silent.
They lose access to those people’s thoughts and opinions, cares and concerns, all under the guise of creating a more open environment. If, by chance, you convince these dissenters to speak up, they’ll quickly be placed into a category and put on a path of correction.
True Authenticity Will Always Be Unprofessional
Think about a workplace—or a society—where people were truly free to be their unfiltered, authentic selves. A world where anything goes and everyone accepts it.
What would that look like?
Well, if we’re completely honest, it would be chaos. I’ll use some subtle examples, but reality would probably be even worse than this.
A company might require overtime, and a few employees don’t want to work. So they simply don’t come in. The following week, the manager sits them down and decides to discipline them.
Their authentic self didn’t want to work that weekend. Their authentic self felt like staying home and playing video games. And, after all, their authentic self is frustrated that the manager—who sucks at his job—failed to inform them in a timely manner.
Will the company accept their authentic selves? Will it be acceptable to discuss all these things openly and honestly? Even disrespectfully?
We all know the answer.
Suppose a company decides to promote a disenfranchised group of people. They make shirts and hang posters all over the office to raise awareness. Some folks, though, don’t necessarily agree with the push.
In a non-authentic world, they keep their mouths shut and wait for it to pass.
What about in a world where they, too, are free to be themselves?
They might vehemently object. They might decide they’d like to have their own cause promoted by the company. Would the company then support their cause as well? All causes? Even the ones that go against company policy?
In a truly authentic world, the answer would have to be yes.
But alas, this is the real world.
We All Hide Ourselves
As people living within a society or organization, we all hide ourselves to some degree. Some hide themselves because they are embarrassed. Some because they are uncertain. Some simply prefer to keep to themselves. Others hide themselves to avoid social rejection.
Very few, if any, people get to be their fully authentic selves.
Sure, we all open up in varying degrees and to varying levels, but even that openness is sometimes just a diversion from something else we’re trying to hide. We all have thoughts, opinions, concerns, fears, and shames that, in certain company, we keep to ourselves.
It’s partly self-preservation and partly for the benefit of the larger group.
I don’t believe this is entirely a bad thing.
Some things are better left unsaid.
Sometimes it’s best to put on the mask of professionalism for the sake of keeping a job and providing for your family. Some battles simply aren’t worth fighting, and nobody can fight every battle.
Conclusion
Just because we all hide ourselves to some degree doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good or bad to do so. What matters is why we hide.
If we’re afraid of being ridiculed or ashamed of who we are, that may not be healthy.
However, if you’re hiding aspects of yourself to keep the peace or to provide for your family, I’d say that’s commendable.
It’s an outright lie when companies tell you they want the authentic you. They simply don’t.
The authentic you—your true self—should be reserved for a close few: family, friends, and loved ones.
Corporate America doesn’t want your authentic self, and honestly, it doesn’t deserve it.
When you keep a little bit of yourself for yourself, for the betterment of society and the people around you, I’d say that’s pretty — Uncredible.
Music for voice over by Jeremusic70 on Pixabay.